THE BAD DEAL

Here’s a pop quiz for aspiring “social media marketers.” Would you rather: 

a) Save “$698” by taking a $99 course on how to use Twitter. 

b) Save “$3,798” by taking a $199 course on how to use Twitter. 

c) Use Twitter for free. 

Throw computer out window to reveal correct answer. 

Here’s another sad example of Groupon using stock photos to make every business look the same. 

So if you’re a masseuse, think long and hard about whether Groupon will really help differentiate you from the competition. Quite the contrary, the daily deal company will make you indistinguishable from the competition. The only distinguishing factor the customer can really see in this email ad is the cost: $39-$59. You’re no longer a business with your own story to tell. You’re now just a number in a range, giving away a portion of your sales to the corporate behemoth that put you in that range. Good luck with that guys. 

Hey Groupon, who’s in charge over there? Oh, you fired your CEO. I forgot. 

Dear Groupon: Out of curiosity, what part of your deal making “expertise” led you to believe this plate of mystery slop (with lemon) is what couples want on a date night? I’d really like to know. REALLY. 

I’ll admit you have me at a disadvantage, because I have absolutely no idea what this is a photo of. In my nearly eight years as a food critic, I’ve seen a lot, but I sure as shinola haven’t seen this. So, nice work. Sort of.   

Hey Groupon! I know you’re cutting costs these days but did y’all run out of money for an actual photograph of sushi? I mean, this IS a “sushi dinner.” Not quite sure what we’re looking at here, not entirely sure I’d like to find out either. Take care of yourself, guys.  

“Dear Groupon: My masterpieces don’t belong inside any crass black bezel frame. This is art, this isn’t a f__king iPad,” said the Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh, posthumously. 

hyperallergic:

A Groupon art deal? LOL … and don’t buy too many, limit 3 per person!

DEAR GROUPON: Listen, we’re all for supporting New York’s restaurant economy a day after Hurricane Sandy struck. But maybe this wasn’t the best morning to send out an email advertising Dans Le Noir, a Midtown eatery that serves dinner in complete darkness? With massive power outages throughout the region (including my apartment), suffice it to say we’ve had enough darkness in NYC. 

Oh, and here’s a review of Dans le Noir from Eater. It ain’t pretty. 

The problem with Groupon is that it makes your very distinctive restaurant look indistinguishable from any other. You could interchange any of these photos and it really wouldn’t make any difference to the buyer.

These aren’t photos of restaurants. Restaurants aren’t just about food. They’re about people, neighborhoods and relationships, none of which are visible here. Here, we only see food. Generic food. There’s steak. Salmon. Shrimp. Lamb. Oysters. More steak. More shrimp. What we have here looks like a wedding buffet catalog for any catering hall in the country. 

Is that what you want for your restaurant? Didn’t think so. 

There are many paths to financial literacy and economic success.

Amateur day trading, the Off Track Betting of the financial community, typically isn’t one of them. So we’re suspicious of these Groupon discounts for courses at a for-profit day-trading academy.

Here’s our advice: If you want to get into finance, don’t do it by buying a Groupon. Take some courses in accounting, money & banking, economics, corporate finance and capital markets at your local community college.

Though we’re curious if this Groupon-advertised academy has a section of Groupon’s stock price, which is now $5.28, down from a high of $26.11 last November. Just saying.