THE BAD DEAL

Gilt City has produced a candidate for Most Aggravating Deal of 2011: Danny Meyer’s The Modern is selling a $210 Veuve Clicquot picnic basket with no Veuve Clicquot. Compare that against a four-course meal for two at The Modern for $196. You reserve the picnic basket 48 hours in advance. But you wait a month to redeem the champagne. To understand why this is such a BAD DEAL, let’s pretend a guy named SUTTON is roaming the mean streets of Midtown Manhattan when a hairy fellow wearing a green bowtie pops out of a dark alley and tries to hawk this deal. We’ll call that guy YOGI. 

YOGI: Hey man, wanna buy a pic-a-nic basket? $210 bucks. 

SUTTON: That’s pricey for for a… . oh wait, are you selling me drugs? 

YOGI: No man, it’s just a picnic basket for two from The Modern. Check out this photo on Gilt City’s website. You get caviar, gazpacho, liverwurst, quail terrine, arugula salad, salmon rilettes, panna cotta, a brownie and champagne. 

SUTTON: What kind of champagne?

YOGI: Half-bottle of Veuve Clicquot. Thing is, we don’t actually give you the champagne when you pick up the picnic basket. 

SUTTON: Come again?

YOGI: Yeah, probably some legal thing. So you don’t get the champagne until you return to the restaurant’s terrace. 

SUTTON: But the Veuve Clicquot is photographed INSIDE the picnic basket on Gilt City’s website. 

YOGI: Read the fine print, hombre: “the image of the picnic basket does not represent the exact menu.” Think of it as metaphorical champagne with air quotes around it. 

SUTTON: Any other caveats? 

YOGI: The champagne “is to be enjoyed at a later date on The Modern’s Terrace between September 15 and October 15.”   

SUTTON: But that’s over a month away! Is the terrace closed until then?  

YOGI: No, the terrace is open. 

SUTTON: Is the champagne on backorder? 

YOGI: No, there’s never a shortage of Veuve Clicquot. 

SUTTON: So I’m putting a three-week down payment on champagne even though they’re selling the same stuff at The Modern right now? And I don’t get a discount? 

YOGI: Bingo! It’s like when Best Buy promises you $300 in savings for that flatscreen television and then they tell you to fill out a mail-in rebate and wait 3-6 weeks. Except in our case, you’re not really getting a rebate. 

SUTTON: Well, can I order the picnic basket without the champagne?

YOGI: No, but truth be told you are getting a picnic basket without champagne. 

SUTTON: What about the caviar? Do we get Sterling Royal roe from Californnia? That’s easily $81 bucks an ounce.  

YOGI: Haha, no. The Modern gives you an ounce of American Hackleback.

SUTTON: Doesn’t that typically retail for like $25-$35 bucks an ounce?

YOGI: Yep. It’s not that good either.

SUTTON: So hold on, I’m adding up the prices of these dishes from The Modern’s Bar Room menu, plus $35 for the caviar, $25 for the champagne, and I get $147. 

YOGI: Sorry, The Modern typically charges $70 for a half bottle of Veuve Clicquot, an exorbitant 200% markup. 

SUTTON:  So you’re asking me to pay a 200% markup on wine and somehow you’re still leaving me with nothing to drink on my picnic. Isn’t there something fundamentally wrong with that?

YOGI: Hey it’s a picnic right? So we figured we’d let you go BYO. 

SUTTON: How generous. 

YOGI: Well remember you’re also getting some world-renowned Danny Meyer service. That’s kind of intangible.  

SUTTON: What kind of service do I get with this basket?  

YOGI: They smile when they give you the basket.

SUTTON: How nice. 

YOGI: And remember you’re paying for the price of the basket itself. 

SUTTON: That bag has no value to me because I don’t go to restaurants to buy luggage. I go to restaurant to buy food. I have my own bag. My lady friend has her own bag. Even homeless people have their own bags. 

YOGI: Well, too bad, the bag has a nice Veuve Clicquot emblem on it to remind you of the champagne you’re not drinking. 

SUTTON: Alright, I think I’m gonna bounce unless you think I’m missing something. 

YOGI: Shackness!

SUTTON: That’s not a real word.  

Fact check notes: Gilt City doesn’t specify ounces of caviar on its website. The weight (1oz) of the fish eggs was confirmed by calling the restaurant. The Modern also confirmed the bag has a Veuve Clicquot logo.